


Shut Me Up

by yellowdinka



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Banter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Hyung line is best friends, I was kidding there's a lot of angst, I wouldn't say it's smut, I'm really sorry I didn't put Jeongin in this anyway stream maknae on top, Idk but my previous work were so platonic and soft I feel like I should tag it, Implied Sexual Content, Jisung is a "confident" gay, Lee Minho is kind of a dick, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Tags Are Hard, This time they're literally in the dorms, Trauma, but also fluff, commitment issues, feelings are hard, hyunsung roommates again because yes I love them, idk it's kinda up to interpretation, it's not much though just at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowdinka/pseuds/yellowdinka
Summary: Minho didn’t like people. Plain and simple. They were annoying, loud and didn't know any boundaries.Jisung just happens to fit exactly that description.Or the push and pull trope, but they're so clearly whipped for each other it's irritating.(Lots of corny jokes and pick up lines ahead because they make me laugh and it was the original inspiration for this story)Enjoy!
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 29
Kudos: 209





	1. Chapter 1

Minho didn’t like people. Plain and simple. That may have been a contradiction because he himself was a person, realizing at the age of four that he wasn’t a cat like his 2 “brothers” that his parents had been raising alongside him, had been one of the most tragic days of his life. Minho didn’t deem himself to be any better than others, but he couldn’t really change who he was, so he had to get used to it. Other people however? He tried to avoid them as much as possible. They were annoying, loud and didn’t know boundaries. He was a lone wolf by nature, someone who needed time alone every time he went out, who enjoyed going out a bit earlier in the morning to avoid crossing paths with his neighbours, who always preferred working alone to being in a group. Because he had a clear sense of who he was, he often judged people rather harshly, observing them, looking for their flaws. 

Considering that, Minho didn’t really know why he was there, at a party late on a Sunday. The next day he had to wake up at 8 am to replace his colleague in a morning shift at the cafe and he felt tired just thinking about it. He didn’t really want to dance or drink, but his roommate had really insisted he should come, so here he was: standing alone with a plastic cup in his hand, in the middle of a crowd where he didn’t know anyone. He should have expected it honestly, because Chan was studying music production and that wasn’t his scene at all, but Minho also had the ability to strike up a conversation with whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted (another paradox because then people would think he was sociable and friendly, words he never wanted to hear associated with his person) so usually it wouldn’t have been a big deal. That night though, he just wanted to go back to his room and crash on his bed like a sack of potatoes. 

“Minho!”

He heard a voice calling him, slurred by the alcohol and found his roommate walking with, or better said, being dragged by another scrawny-looking boy, who had honey-like skin, soft brown hair and was dressed like an e-boy. He had to stifle back a laugh seeing his buff roommate hanging onto him.

“Chan?”

He answered, though his eyes were set on the other boy.

“I don’t think I’m really good”

Chan mumbled while taking a shaky step towards him. Minho had to catch him before he could lose balance and the other boy soon was at his side, rubbing Chan’s back soothingly.

“I can see that”

His gaze finally met the other boy’s and he was a little taken aback because of how sparkling his eyes were. It would have been so easy for him to just stare a second longer and know everything about him, because they were that transparent and expressive.

Chan groaned and let himself fall on them like a heavyweight, so Minho tried to shake the image out of his mind and focus on the situation. They put one arm around each of their shoulders and started moving again. The muscly boy closed his eyes and Minho prayed he wasn’t going in an alcohol induced coma.

“Ok, we have to get him to our room, give him some water, make him vomit if he doesn’t seem alive, which he doesn’t right now”

He sped up as he walked in the corridors, letting the knowledge he acquired in his medicine studies guide him and the boy kept up, not uttering a word. They arrived and threw Chan on the bed, who whined as they rid him of his shoes. 

“I’ll go grab a glass of water”

The boy said, going out the door before Minho could answer. He slapped lightly his roommate’s cheek.

“Stooop I don’t like it on my faceeee”

Minho’s face contorted in disgust, but he was glad Chan felt good enough to talk.

“Ew I didn’t need to know that!”

Chan chuckled and protruded his face out the bed, making gagging noises. Quickly Minho took the trash can for him and turned around, not wanting the scene to come back to haunt his dreams. He patted his friend’s back as he threw up. When he stopped, the boy came in with a red cup and grimaced at the smell. 

“At least he won’t die”

Minho shrugged his shoulders. The boy stretched his hand to pass him the cup and their fingers brushed against each other for a moment as their eyes met again. Minho shook the shiver he felt crawling up his spine and made Chan drink the water. 

“Well, thank you for your help whoever you are-“

Minho started as he got up.

The boy grinned and stretched his hand.

“Jisung, I’m a friend of Chan’s”

Minho just went past him as he made his way out, taking the bin with him.

“Yeah, whatever, you can go back to the party now”

The boy followed him outside.

“Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?”

He sighed, this boy had said not more than five words to him and he was already getting in his way.

“Honestly, no, I don’t see why I should. I have approximately 6 hours to get some decent sleep and go to work rested enough to not chop some costumer’s head off, so I’m in a bit of a hurry”

He didn’t care how rude he sounded, the night had been a loss of time and he should have just stayed in and went to sleep early. Without saying goodbye he took the first steps toward the bathroom, thinking the conversation had ended there. Apparently, Jisung wasn’t of the same idea.

“Wait!”

He shouted making Minho turn back, arching an eyebrow.

“What now?”

“Do you believe in love at first sight?”

Minho almost dropped the can for the shock. His eyes squinting as he processed what he just heard.

“The fuck are you talking about?”

Jisung confidently fixed his posture and leaned back against the door, closing it.

“Do you believe in lo-“

Minho screeched hearing the lock click.

“You did not just lock me outside”

He whisper-shouted, not wanting to wake up his neighbours.

“Oh shit, did I?”

The boy said as he tried to open the door.

Minho slapped one hand on his face, unwilling to believe what had just happened.

“Well, at least I have time to finish now”

The boy continued unphased as he did not just made his already horrible night a hundred time worse.

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”

If Minho was incredulous before, he was actually at a loss for words now.

“Are you seriously using a pick up line on me when I have a bucket of vomit in my hand and you just locked me outside my dorm?”

He asked rhetorically, trying not to raise his voice in anger. Jisung rubbed his chin, seemingly in thought.

“I mean yeah, that sums up the situation pretty well”

Minho took a deep breath, raking his mind for reasons not to launch himself at the boy to scrape the smug smile off his face.

“Are you dumb?”

“ I might be foolishly in love”

Minho turned his back on him again and started walking towards the bathrooms, reminding himself that he wasn’t a violent person, that he would not punch that boy no matter how much he got on his last nerve.

“You have definitely gone mad”

He spat out harshly, the boy picked up his pace to walk next to him.

“For you”

Minho grimaced.

“Why are you still here? You don’t even know my name”

Jisung opened the door for him as they finally reached the toilet and he got rid of what was inside the bin, rinsing it with water a few times after.

“I do actually”

Minho looked at him, reflecting on what he had gathered about him in the short span of time he had spent with him.

“Are you some kind of stalker?”

Jisung pouted and frantically shook his head.

“Nonono! I just… Chan mentioned you a few times and I always see you around here”

Minho hummed and got out of the room after he washed his hands. 

“Still sounds sketchy to me”

He looked around, remembering in that moment that he still couldn’t get inside his dorm, because he left his keys there and Chan surely was fast asleep if he was still alive.

“Alright, then I guess you’re not interested in a room for the night”

That picked up his interest, though he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of actually showing it.

“Are you asking me to use my body in exchange for a place to sleep? “ 

Minho deadpanned, still a bit suspicious of him.

“Oh my god, no! I was just trying to be kind because it’s my fault you’re locked out, jeez do you actually think I’m a creep? I can’t believe Chan never told you anything about me”

Minho now felt a bit guilty looking at the sad puppy eyes Jisung was sporting. He only caught a glimpse of them, because the boy quickly crossed his arms on his chest, looking down, hiding them. He wondered if Jisung knew how much they gave him away. After an awkward pause, Minho sighed swallowing his pride, seriously wishing for the earth to crumble beneath his feet and suck him in.

“Do you have a spare bed?”

Jisung raised his gaze, an hopeful glint in his eyes.

“You’re going to accept my help?”

Minho definitely didn’t think that haste shift in his attitude was endearing.

“I can’t make a decision if you don’t answer me”

He tried to sound assertive, but his tone betrayed his desperation.

“You know, you don’t seem like you’re in a place to set conditions here”

Minho squeezed his fists, going back to feeling very annoyed.

“Do you have it or am I sleeping on the floor?”

Jisung chuckled at his curt tone.

“I do, my roommate is always at his boyfriend’s so you can use his”

Minho felt relieved to hear that.

“Ok, lead the way”

Jisung couldn’t help his smirk as he guided him to his room, closing the door behind them when they came in.

“You know, I would have never thought it would have been so easy to rile you up, you always seem so calm”

“Don’t talk like you know me”

He almost growled. Jisung was still grinning.

“Or maybe it’s just a special ability of mine”

Minho groaned and ignored him as he looked at the messy room. The bed on the right side was made and all the things belonging to the owner were put away neatly, the left side however, looked like a bomb just exploded, there were empty packages still lying around from what he could only guess were midnight snacks, clothes all over the mattress, the covers bundled up at the feet of the bed. He let himself fall on the first bed he laid his eyes on, unhesitating.

“You’re messy”

He stated as he took his shoes off. Jisung threw the clothes on the floor and pulled the sheets up to the pillow. 

“How did you know that wasn’t my bed?”

“I didn’t, but your side is disgusting and you wouldn’t catch me dead sleeping there”

He scoffed. Jisung laid on his bed and looked at him intensely.

“Uh, I give it 3 months before you fall so hard for me you’ll come begging”

“I would never be interested in someone so annoying”

Minho rolled his eyes, stretching and going under the covers as well.

“Challenge accepted”

“That was not- You know what? I don’t care I just came here to sleep”

He closed his eyes, irritated to no end and waited for Jisung to do the same.

“You know what you could have told me to convince me to host you?”

He grimaced, this boy really didn’t want to leave him alone.

“You offered-“

He began before the boy interrupted him.

“Hey, my name is Microsoft, can I crash at your place tonight?”

He turned around and switched the light off, groaning at the other boy’s giggle.

“Shut the fuck up and let me sleep”

“Good night to you too ”

The morning after, Minho woke up at 7 am and got ready as silently as possible, not wanting to wake up the sleeping boy. He glanced at him before he left, he was so much more tolerable when he wasn’t talking. The light filtrating through the blinds light up his face highlighting his soft cheeks and it was heart-warming to see him with his hair all ruffled from his moving during the night. He mentally slapped himself for staring like that and put on his shoes before heading out without leaving any trace behind.

He really wanted to forget about the whole ordeal, but he would soon discover that wasn’t possible. A very hungover Chan let him in at round lunchtime, rubbing his eyes like he just woke up.

“Took you long enough”

Minho said as he took his keys from the nightstand he left them on and put them safely in his pocket. He would have kissed them if out wasn’t extremely unhygienic.

“I’ve just come back from the dead, can’t you be nice for today?”

“Absolutely not, you left me out in the cold yesterday night”

Chan’s eyes widened.

“Oh wait really? I thought you just left early ”

“I did, but I was locked out after I brought you back here from the party, you must’ve been sleeping by then”

“How did you even end up locked out? You’re the most attentive person I know”

“Because of your annoying dumbass friend”

He answered, failing to hide his irritation.

“I have no clue who you’re talking about”

“Oh my god you don’t remember that last night we helped you get back here? Me and Jisung?”

Minho asked, frustrated to recount the event again.

Chan finally seemed to understand.

“Ooooh you met Ji! “

Minho connected the pieces.

“That was Ji??? The one that makes music with you?”

Chan nodded.

“You called him sweet? Cute?”

Chan nodded again.

“The one you say it’s like a little brother to you?”

“Yeah, that Ji, did you like him?”

Minho rubbed a finger on his temple.

“He’s a pain, that’s what he is”

Chan frowned.

“What do you mean? I thought you two would get along great”

“Really? You thought that brat who shoots out pick up lines faster than you eat a bag of chips and I, would get on well?”

“Pick up lines, what in t- ooooh I see”

Minho looked at him furrowing his brows, confused as his friend tried to contain his laughter.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll understand”

Minho shrugged and went to take a shower, he wanted to wash away everything that happened in the last 24 hours. Things always slipped past him like falling water anyway, for once actually wishing they would and not just sitting through it passively, unable to feel anything. As he felt the water hitting his cold skin, he closed his eyes and he could swear he saw brown sensitive ones looking back at him. 

The next day he really expected that whole thing to be over, that he could just forget about the existence of one annoying Han Jisung forever, but fate was probably against him, he realized, when while he was studying he scrunched up a page of his notes that didn’t make sense and threw it were the trash can was supposed to be, only for it to land on the floor.

He was anything but forgetful, this time though, he remembered only in that moment where he left the bin. He tried calling Chan to get him to go pick it up instead of him, but he didn’t answer, so he found himself in front of Jisung’s dorm, knocking on his door with the tail between his legs yet again.

The boy showed up smirking.

“Already back I see, you missed me that much?”

Minho groaned as he nudged him with his shoulder getting inside. Ignoring the other’s complaints he marched to the bed he used the night before and took a hold of the bin.

“I forgot this”

Jisung put himself in front of the open door to stop him from fleeing the scene as fast as he came.

“You aren’t even going to thank me?”

Minho glared at him.

“The only reason why I was here in the first place is you, so no”

Jisung chuckled.

“Oh, are you still mad about that?”

Minho was fuming at the guy’s boldness.

“Of course I am!”

“It wasn’t even my fault! How could I have known you left your keys inside?”

The boy retorted, getting heated as well.

“I was only going to wash the bucket and come back, why would I have brought the keys?”

“Because your door locks automatically? That’s just common sense”

Minho inhaled deeply.

“Move, I didn’t come here to fight with you”

“No, wait, I need your help with something first”

Minho crossed his arms sighing. He was still a polite person despite his cold facade, so he didn’t refuse right away. 

“What can I do?”

He asked, regretting the words as soon as they left his lips.

Jisung reached a hand in his pocket and took his phone out.

“I think there’s something wrong with my phone. It doesn’t have your number in it”

Minho literally facepalmed.

“I knew it, god you’re wasting my time, again, move before I make you”

“Oooh daddy”

Jisung said as he kept laughing. Minho, tired of his attitude, grabbed him by the arms and pulled him close to his chest.

“I. Told. You. To. Move”

He repeated slowly, articulating every word. The younger shut his mouth and gulped hard as he looked up into his eyes. Minho made them spin around so they switched places and let go of him abruptly. Before the other could utter another world, he was out the door, free, walking away with his bucket. He won.

The rest of the week went by without a hitch and on Friday he looked forward to a chill night at his best friend’s place. It wasn’t unusual for him, Chan and Changbin to meet at the latter’s apartment, giving that he was crazy rich and them broke college students. The two of them had been friends since they were little, he was one of the few people he tolerated. They ended up in the sam university despite their very different interest and majors, quickly adding Chan to their group when Minho met him as his roommate. Despite his lonesome nature, Minho loved spending nights just talking to them, or playing stupid games, when they were sometimes joined by the man of the house’s boyfriend, Hyunjin. His excitement died down quickly when he showed up at the door and saw a fifth person had joined them today, no less than the annoying fucker himself, Han Jisung.

“Oh god, not you again”

“Hello to you too, you do know this is my home, right?”

Greeted him Changbin, who had buzzed him in. He stepped inside and took off his shoes, sighing.

“I wasn’t talking to you”

He explained, then he glared at Jisung, who answered him with a wave and a wide taunting smile.

“Hey, Mr. Bucket, are you usually that hot or did you just come out of the oven?”

The other three boys snickered at the joke, while Minho let himself fall on the couch and turned to them, looking for an ally.

“Did you all hear what he just called me?! Damn, this kid’s nerve…”

“Hey! Don’t talk like I’m not here!”

He pouted and for a moment Minho thought he could see why Chan thought he was cute, only for a moment though.

His roommate shushed them.

“Stop it you two! I invited both of you tonight because I want you to get along”

Minho crossed his arms and glanced at the boy.

“I guess I can be the bigger person and tolerate him for the night”

Jisung scoffed.

“Tolerate me? And I’m the one with an attitude?”

Changbin sighed.

“What did we just say?”

Hyunjin giggled and hit his bicep lightly.

“Leave them be, it’s the sexual tension, they’ll get along once they get each other off”

Minho and Jisung gaped.

“WHAT?”

They shouted in unison, when they realized it they met each other’s gaze and Minho quickly looked away. Jisung cowered his head, blushing faintly.

“Hwang, it’s been a while”

Minho got up and and went into the bathroom, his face dead serious. Hyunjin, feeling the danger through his bones, started running around the living room, looking for a place to take refuge from his revenge. Jisung furrowed his brows.

“What’s happening? Where did he go?”

Chan chuckled.

“Oh, he does this whenever Hyunjin teases him, you’ll see”

He didn’t have to wait long for that, because Minho came out of the bathroom with a bunch of wet paper tissues in his hand and calmly gripped Hyunjin by his shirt and held him in place as he stuffed them in his mouth. Jin squirmed to run away at first, but surrendered after a while as the other three boys laughed at the scene.

“Babe! You’re just letting him do that?”

He asked as he was spitting out the paper.

“Jinnie, you kind of deserved it”

Changbin observed, though he used a loving tone.

“Fuck you, then Ji will be my boyfriend for the night”

Changbin rolled his eyes, used to his boyfriend antics.

“Whatever you say love”

Hyunjin frowned, not getting the reaction he wanted, and sat on the floor next to Jisung, stretching his arms asking for a hug. He hugged him back, but just when they were settled comfortably, Hyunjin with his head on Ji’s shoulder, the latter elbowed his side.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

He screeched as he flinched away from him.

“So you know when to mind your own business”

Jisung shrugged with an evil grin. Minho smiled watching him and high fived him automatically when the younger stretched his palm open.

The doorbell rang again, the delivery guy had arrived so Changbin paid him as Jisung helped him with the bags that contained their orders. They started passing the respective dishes to each other and he sat in his former place, this time with a whiny Hyunjin in his lap and soon they were caught up in their own world. 

Jisung seemed to be hungry because he plopped on the couch between Chan and Minho and immediately stuffed two big bites in his mouth, making his cheeks puff up. Minho tried not to laugh at the sight, but failed miserably.

“Whaf if it?”

The boy said having noticed the sudden outburst, struggling to speak because his mouth was so full. 

“Nothing, you just eat in a funny way”

Jisung squeezed his eyes tight and sent him a glare.

“I’ll hit you”

He threatened swallowing. Chan pat his shoulder.

“Chill Ji, you know you’re basically a quokka in human form”

Minho’s eyes shone of a new light.

“Right! That’s what you resemble! Like some kind of rodent, you could be a squirrel too”

The boy groaned, cradling his head with his hands.

“Not you too”

Minho snickered.

“Chan reminds me of a papa bear, so it could be worse”

Chan clicked his tongue as Ji chuckled.

“I take that as a compliment actually, because it means that I’m a caring person you can all rely on”

“Or a giant who’s too fond of sweets”

Retorted Minho giggling with Jisung at his roommate, who was visibly done with them.

When the boy stopped he stared intensely at Minho’s face, who arched an eyebrow.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Beauty”

He shot back as Minho rolled his eyes.

“You’re starting to sound like a broken disk”

Jisung chuckled.

“I was trying to think of an animal for you, but the ones that fit you aren’t good for jokes”

Chan chimed in.

“Have you noticed his crooked front teeth? He looks like a bunny”

Minho flicked his roommate on his thigh as a response. Jisung smiled but shook his head.

“They’re cute”

Minho grinned.

“That’s the weirdest compliment I’ve ever heard”

Ji shrugged as he was chewing.

“I told you I’m irresistible”

Minho snickered.

“I didn’t mean it in good way, you annoying brat”

Jisung got a bit closer to him, lowering his voice.

“Then why were you smiling like that…”

Minho looked up at him, eyes wide at the change in his tone suddenly becoming more flirtatious, not cocky like when he usually delivered his pick up lines or teasing., like when he responded to his snarky remarks.

“…Mr. Bucket?”

Jisung’s face broke into a grin and Minho shoved him back in his place recognizing his joking tone now.

“What have I done… I’m a double third wheel now”

“Shut up”

Minho and Jisung responded in unison again and they giggled as they high fived each other.

Hyunjin disentangled himself from Changbin and went over to them to convince them to play Among us together. As they all tidied up the living room and settled at a distance not to give themselves away, Minho thought that maybe the boy was a bit more than tolerable after all. 

The screen told him he was the impostor and he looked up and met eyes with Jisung. He winked at him and the boy smirked. Yeah, their friends were going to regret putting them together. He just hoped he wouldn’t.

Minho was getting out of class when his phone rang. He groaned. People calling him really annoyed him.

Not only it bothered him because they interrupted his alone time, but also because often they didn’t even have a reason to. His friends had learnt the harsh way that he much preferred to be contacted through text if they wanted to ask him something. Only his parents called him from time to time to catch up and he was more than happy that all the people in his life respected his wishes.

Han Jisung, however, didn’t seem to know that.

“Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for”

Minho literally facepalmed, which had become usual for him since he had met the boy.

“I swear I knew you were gonna do that, why did I even answer?”

“Because you l-“

He put the phone down before the other could finish. That little shit enjoyed annoying him so much it was unreal, he was gonna off Chan for giving him his number.

“MR. BUCKET!”

He heard someone shout in the hallway. He turned around already guessing who that voice belonged to.

“Are you following me? Do I have to reconsider the stalker theory?”

Jisung grinned as he closed the distance between them and started walking by his side. Some people gave them weird looks, but he felt his irritation starting to pile up.

“Why are you still on that? Is this a sick fantasy of yours? “

Minho shook his head. He was firmly against kink shaming, but the concept of it definitely weirded him out.

“Why are you here? Why did you call me? It really gets on my nerves when people do that”

Jisung scrunched his forehead.

“You mean calling?”

Minho nodded, picking up his step to spite the younger boy, a tiny revenge for disturbing him.

“I thought that if Chan gave you my number he would at least tell you not to call me unless you had an emergency and you absolutely needed my help”

“Is it that deep? You didn’t even stay on the phone to let me finish”

“I just… don’t like it”

Minho stopped in his tracks and turned to Jisung, gritting his teeth to make him understand that he should not push him right now.

“Ok, I just saw you and I thought you would prefer it over me shouting your name across the corridor. I was going to do a study session at the library and I thought maybe you could tag along”

Jisung’s voice turned soft as he said the last sentence. Minho’s grim expression relaxed into something that resembled a smile.

“Oh, did you miss me perhaps?”

Jisung shoved him lightly, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“You can’t use the uno reverse card on me”

“I can and I will, watch me Alvin Superstar”

Jisung gasped.

“Don’t call me that! I don’t look like him at all!”

“You’re a singing squirrel, that’s close enough”

“Yes, but I’m not self-centered and desperate for the spotlight like him, at least make me the smart one”

Jisung whined childishly.

“I can’t, you don’t have glasses”

Minho retorted, glad that he was doing the teasing for once.

“I do actually, I just wear contacts”

“Oh, I do too”

“Let’s see who looks better then”

Jisung wiggled his brows, challenging him.

“Why do you always put yourself in bets you’re going to lose?”

Jisung smirked and put his hands in his pockets.

“I’m an ambitious guy, I always aim at the top. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll reach it”

He said shrugging as if he was stating the obvious. Minho couldn’t contain the endearment in his eyes when he saw him smile wide while he turned to him.

“That’s wise Simon”

He ruffled his hair as Jisung screeched, not expecting to be touched, but not retracting either. They finally got to the library and sat in a secluded table near the science section. 

Minho pulled out his books and immediately got to work, adjusting his notes and writing new ones as he read his biology manual. The other boy shuffled around quite a bit and took a much longer time to get settled and take out his books. Minho looked at him when the soft noises finally stopped. The boy was crouched down while reading on the page, his phone next to him because he had a pair of earphones plugged in. He smiled at the sight and the boy seemingly noticed that because he looked up at him. Before Minho could refocus, Jisung took out his left earphone and offered it to him, communicating with his big expressive eyes. Minho skeptically took it and put it in his ear as the boy readjusted his other end and scooted a bit closer.

“It’s a good playlist I promise”

He whispered as the song was changing.

“I’ll trust an expert opinion”

Jisung grinned wide. Minho elbowed him gently.

“What did I say that was so funny?”

“It’s- this is the second compliment you’ve given me today and you haven’t insulted me once”

“I’m pretty sure I called you a stalker before and I also said you’re irritating”

Jisung rolled his eyes and put his face closer to Minho’s as he mouthed the lyrics of the chill song playing in the background. The older boy chuckled for the face he made and pinched his cheek.

“Let’s concentrate”

“As you say boss”

They snickered quietly and got back to their assignments.

Minho always preferred to spend time alone, but he realized he didn’t mind Jisung’s presence next to him, even when he hummed lightly to some songs when they were studying. The boy had picked up on his habit of massaging his forehead, that he did whenever he felt tired, and whispered him some of his corny jokes to ease his tension. He couldn’t deny that he was a little sad when they eventually had to clear out the table for the cleaning staff at around 9pm.

When they were out in the hallway, Minho found himself lingering, instead of bolting to his room like he usually did at the end of a long day. Jisung was in a similar state, switching from foot to foot as he looked at the ground. The younger’s stomach grumbled and he looked up, a panicked glint in his eyes. Minho chuckled.

“Damn, haven’t you stoked up reserves for the winter?”

Jisung stuck out his tongue at him.

“Shush, I haven’t eaten in seven hours, I’ll eat you”

“Again with the sexual advances, I still don’t want anything to do with that dumpster you call bed”

He reminded him and Jisung groaned.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that and for the record, I cleaned the room since you’ve been there”

Minho snickered.

“Ok Simon, I believe you”

Jisung opened his mouth and closed it, before speaking again, hesitant.

“Do you wanna… grab dinner, maybe?”

“Sure, what did you have in mind?”

Minho shrugged and ignored the smile that stretched across the younger’s face.

“I don’t know, I’m craving sushi though”

He laughed, not wasting the opportunity to tease him.

“Do you think this is the time to go to a fancy restaurant? Are you trying to trap me on a date?”

Jisung grumbled and started walking as Minho trailed along.

“No, but we can just get a box to go at the place near the bus stop”

“Alright, that sounds reasonable”

They walked slowly to the sushi bar. The night was lit by neon lights and their beaming smiles as they sat in a small table and went on talking for hours, eager to know more about each other, for once dropping their banter and useless fighting.

When the shop closed, they stepped out of the building and were met with the breeze of a cold January night. Minho zipped his coat up to his neck to keep himself warm. In the corner of his eye he saw Jisung shiver a bit and he noticed he definitely didn’t dress according to the weather. Sighing he unwrapped his scarf and tied it around the younger’s boy neck, brushing it in the swift motion. His gaze lingered a bit too long on the moles he had there.

“Oh, thank you, but you shouldn-“

Minho shook himself out of his daze and interrupted the boy.

“Just take it before you freeze to death”

Jisung shut his mouth and buried his nose under the fabric.

“It’s a really nice scarf”

He observed after a few minutes of them walking silently. Minho hummed in agreement.

“My mom knitted it for me”

“She must love you a lot”

Minho smiled, thinking about the Christmas he had received that special gift.

“She does, like all mothers”

Jisung scoffed and Minho looked at him confused.

“What? You don’t agree?”

The boy shook his head.

“Oh, it’s just that I wouldn’t know”

Minho rolled his eyes.

“Are you going to tell me a sob story about how your daddy never validated you or went to your soccer games? How your mom didn’t hug you enough?”

Jisung had a strained smile on his face, despite him trying to hide his discomfort Minho understood he struck a nerve, so he quickly changed topic.

“You look cozy in it”

Jisung gave him a more honest smile.

“Yeah, I feel like if I had a blanket like this it would put me to sleep immediately”

“Why? Do you have trouble sleeping?”

“Uhm, let’s just say my sleeping schedule is unconventional”

Minho shook his head, tsking.

“That’s very bad for your health, you should take care of yourself more”

Jisung smirked.

“Would you be my loving nurse if I didn’t?”

Minho chuckled and lightly shoved him.

“I knew you were gonna ruin it at some point”

“Uhm, did I really?”

He asked expressing pretty clearly that he didn’t think so. Minho avoided the question.

“I really don’t get people’s fantasies about nurses, I mean they have their scrubs covered in all kinds of human liquids most of the time, they are crazily overworked and probably on the brink of a nervous breakdown even if they are in their twenties”

“Good point, but I for one think selflessness is sexy”

Minho glanced at him. They had arrived at campus by then, but their pace was really slow, like they wanted to savor the last moments they shared that night.

“Everytime I think you’re getting predictable you come up with things like that, you’re…”

“Amazing? Exciting? Devastatingly handsome?”

“…frustrating”

“Oh, look who’s predictable now”

Minho shot him a threatening glare and Jisung started giggling and ran inside their dorm building. Minho chased after him, uncaring of the noises they were making in the corridors as they panted, cackled and thumped their feet on the hard floor. Jisung stopped in front of his room, which was closer to the entrance, leaning against the door as he tried catching his breath.

Minho crouched a bit, putting his hands on his knees. They locked eyes and started laughing again, this time the elder signaled him to lower his voice as he stifled his own chuckle with a hand. When their fit ended, Minho took a step closer and put a hand on the younger’s hip.

“Got you”

Jisung looked up at him, his lips slightly open, his cheeks still red from the cold and the run. His breathing was still kind of uneven and Minho thought that in that moment he looked just like a ripe peach, waiting to be picked from the tree. Closing his eyes, Minho stepped back.

“Good night”

He whispered.

“Goodnight”

The younger responded, still dazed. Minho got back to his room with a fond smile on his face.

It was a Saturday this time, when he found himself again at a party he absolutely didn’t want to be at. This one was slightly better though, because it was organized at Changbin’s house and if anything he had plenty of rooms where he could hide himself in and crash. If Chan were to get in a similar state as the last party, there would also be other people that could take care of him. He took a drink of the punch Hyunjin had made, because apparently he had been assigned to drinks when the couple fished out their tasks for the night. Only one swallow told him it wasn’t for him, though, so he abandoned the cup and didn’t seek out any other alcohol, because he knew Hyunjin probably had made them to his liking as well.

When he got back to the living room the lighting had changed, purple, green and blue flashing lights illuminated the mass that danced awkwardly to the music and his lips curved in a smile when he recognized Jin and Jisung in the middle of it, shouting and jumping like they were children about to go on a rollercoaster. He stayed in an angle, watching him, until Jisung must have felt his gaze on him, because he abandoned his friend and crossed the room to reach him. 

His tan skin looked golden due to the sweat and Minho tried really hard not to thirst over his exposed arms, that were let free by his muscle tee. 

“You’re rude”

The younger began, though his smile held no bite.

“What have I done this time?”

Minho asked, acting over exasperated.

“You didn’t say hi! I thought we were closer than that”

Ji exclaimed dramatically as Minho snickered.

“I would hardly define us as close”

Jisung shrugged.

“Still, you could have said hi”

“You were dancing, I didn’t want to distract you”

Jisung leaned closer.

“You could have danced with me”

Minho shook his head.

“I don’t dance”

“I know you can”

Sing-songed Ji. Minho grinned.

“Really? High school musical?”

“It’ll be forever a masterpiece, you can’t convince me otherwise”

Minho rolled his eyes at his feisty tone.

“I wouldn’t have to if you had common sense”

“Then come here and show me how it’s done, boss”

Jisung taunts him, putting a hand on Minho’s chest.

“Are you already drunk?”

“No! I had one beer, I’m not a lightweight”

“You’re small, you could be”

Minho pointed out.

“Lots of little things can kill you, don’t underestimate them”

“Sure, you win this one”

Jisung scrunched his forehead.

“Are you ok? You’re more subdued than usual”

Minho scoffed. He was right, big events like this drained his energy immensely, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

“Like you would know it”

Jisung chuckled and stepped closer, driving them against the wall.

“It’s entertaining, how you act like we’re still strangers”

Minho felt naked under his gaze, like he could read his mind just with a look. He knew it probably wasn’t true due to his hard facade, but it still made him stutter.

“W-we are”

“That’s a shame, because I thought we could be… friends”

Jisung said in an allusive tone. Minho took a deep breath, he didn’t know if he had enough self-control to not just tip over and kiss him silly. Especially when he was so blatantly flirting.

“Shut up, you’re doing it again”

Minho growled as he put his hands on Ji’s waist to put more distance between them and step away from the wall.

“What?”

He feigned innocence. 

That was the last straw. He couldn’t endure his clueless behavior too. Minho gripped his wrist as he started making his way bumping against more than a few people until he got to an empty room and slammed the door shut. This time he was the one who leaned close, caging Jisung against the wall with a hand.

“You think you’re so smug treating me like that, like you’re a hunter trying to capture his prey, you love to feel like you have control, but even the smallest touch and you’ll be completely at my mercy”

As if to prove his point, Minho brushed his finger slowly up his side, smirking when he felt the boy shiver under him.

“Admit it, you like to dish it, but you can’t take it, not even one bit”

He said against Jisung’s lips.

“I- that’s not true”

“How do you have such a big ego and so little sense of yourself?”

He continued taunting him.

“I- what, what are you doing?”

“Just giving you a taste of your own medicine”

“I’m not- I don’t-“

Jisung spluttered.

“You don’t tease me? You don’t flirt? You don’t act like you want me to be your next conquest?”

“S-shut up”

He said softly.

“I don’t think I heard you”

Minho teased him with a smirk.

“Shut up”

“A little louder”

“I SAID SHUT UP!”

Minho looked bewildered hearing him raise his voice like that, but he didn’t have time to voice his surprise, because Jisung gripped the front of his shirt with two hands and pulled him towards him. He dived in and finally pressed his lips against his. It was angry and rough, Minho immediately put one hand in his hair, tilting his head to get the angle he wanted, the other roamed around his ass, but ultimately he rounded his hips with it and used it to make them stumble on the bed. Jisung grabbed him tighter, his legs closing on the elder’s waist, nails pressing into his chest almost painfully, but both of them were so into it, he didn’t mind. 

Minho brushed his hand under Jisung’s t-shirt, aching to touch him, to feel him writhe under him and Jisung moaned and bit his lips, just as needy as he was. The tension between them had built up to a point it was difficult to ignore and both of them relished in the mutual chase, but were exhausted by it too. 

The memories of that night together would have stayed with Minho forever, sculpted just behind his eyelids whenever he closed them, he could see and hear Jisung moaning and screaming under him as he touched him, kissed him, marked him, made him his. 

He just realized what a big mistake he made the morning after, when he woke up next to him, cuddled against him. Instinctively he hugged him closer and his eyes went wide when he realized what he was doing. Careful not to wake him up he got dressed and went back to his dorm.

People weren’t for him and that was never going to change, not even if his heart sunk with every step he took to his lonely, cold dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tried with the summary but I'm so bad at them lmaooo. The title of the fit is from a Mindless Self Indulgence song that I discovered in another minsung fic and I've been listening non stop for the last few days.
> 
> This was supposed to be a light, fun, one-shot but it ended up way too long and quite different from my initial idea. Also if someone has watched skam I feel like I should tell you I really didn't mean to take inspiration from William and Noora but it kinda fit in some scenes? 
> 
> I hope you liked reading this and tell me if you want a part two, because I had in mind to write one but I feel like this could also be a decent ending?
> 
> Anyways, thank you and have a nice day!


	2. Someone to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope I didn't make you wait too long for this second part, but I've had some major writer block while writing this and I was also nervous because the first one had such great response (that I didn't expect at all) so I wanted this to be good. 
> 
> Minho left and Jisung's mad, but will they stay away from each other? Or will Minho understand what he's missing before it's too late? 
> 
> WARNING: In this part I felt like I had to deepen the characters a bit more, so I mention right at the beginning a parent leaving their family, commitment issues and later there are some comments about body image. The latter isn't much, but I wanted to warn you in case you're sensitive to that. Also they play laser tag at some point so I had to use terms like guns, shots, fire, no one gets hurt because it is a game, but if this content may upset you, please be careful. I just saw I also mention a person getting run over in a dream, it's literally just a line, but well,watch out for that too!
> 
> Please tell me if I should tag anything that I didn't, I may have forgot or didn't think they needed to be tagged, but your safety comes first so tell me and I will fix that!

Minho woke up breathing hard, agonized by the now recurring nightmare he had been having for the last thirteen years. Thuds on the stairs, the safe in his room opening, his dad’s strained voice as he told him to go back to sleep, the front door creaking, a car’s engine, then nothing. That’s when he usually woke up. Sometimes though, it went on. Once he saw his ten-year-old-self follow him to the garage, putting himself in front of the car to stop him, only to get run over. Other times he took him by surprise as he was occupied with the safe and threw himself at him with an amount of force that a child was very unlikely to have, but his strength was believable because it was fueled by anger. The deep resentment he never voiced to anyone and he never allowed himself to dwell on too much when he was awake, so he shouldn’t be surprise to see it haunting his dreams.

Minho was ten when his father left his family in a cold winter night, he was ten when he lost faith in humanity, not only because of him, but for everyone else in his stupid hometown turning their backs on him and his mother, who had had to sell the house to keep them afloat and not drown in her husband’s debts. When the teachers and mothers of the other kids whispered quietly between themselves if he showed up with something that only resembled his uniform, because he didn’t have the money to buy one. When his classmates picked on him because he didn’t have someone who could defend him anymore. When he saw his mom work herself to the bone to give him a future. 

Chan, as usual, was awake working at some base on his computer. Seeing him get up so suddenly, he took his headphones off and glanced at him with a worried look.

“Are you ok?”

Minho rubbed a hand over his face, feeling like he was going to die from the tiredness and the despair. Those last days the dream had been a lot more frequent than usual, so much that he mustn’t have got more than ten hours of sleep in three nights. 

“Sure”

He answered drily, despite knowing he couldn’t fool anyone with those prominent eye bags or his bloodshot eyes.

“You know you can talk to me if you need to, right?”

Minho sighed, he knew it, Chan was a good listener, but he couldn’t just spill things about himself that easily, not even if it was one of his dearest friends. Why? He had no idea, it just had always been like that, he brushed it off as being someone reserved, that liked to keep to himself, but he understood that it probably run deeper than that.

“I know”

Chan exhaled loudly, Minho’s intentions not flying unnoticed.

“Your nightmares have gotten a lot worse, you haven’t had one in months, how did it came back so severely?”

He laughed bitterly, because he actually knew the answer to this question. They had started since the night after he slept with Jisung, a week ago by now. The first time it happened again, he imagined his warm body next to his own while he was trying to comfort himself through the shakes that made his body twitch. But it just made him feel more guilty and sadder thinking how the boy must have felt the morning after, not finding him there. The younger had tried to call him the next day, but he ignored his phone every time it rang, pushing his face deep in the pillow to muffle his screams out of frustration.

“I wish I knew”

He said softly. Chan squinted his eyes, clearly not buying it, but as usual he didn’t push it.

“Ok, then just holler if you need anything. I’m always here for you”

He nodded, thankful, and Chan smiled at him as he put his headphones on and went back to what he was doing.

Minho laid down and closed his eyes, knowing he wasn’t going to fall asleep.

The first time he saw Jisung since that morning, it was once again one of Chan’s ruses to get them to get along. 

He was practically dragged out of the dorm to “do something fun”, that in his friend’s language meant laser tag. Chan’s parents always brought him there when he felt blue, so the eldest naturally had let in his friends on his tradition. Those days, Minho had been even more secluded in his room than he already used to before, which was already a lot, so he couldn’t really blame Chan for dragging him out of their dorm. He reluctantly agreed to go halfway through their walk to the place, in theory, to make his roommate let go of his jacket, but really it was because if anything could make him feel better, it was a night out with his friends doing stupid shit like that.

When he stepped inside the place with his roommate, though, he felt his breath getting sucked out of his lungs. Jisung was there, sitting next to Hyunjin, Changbin and Seungmin, a guy he knew by association because he was friends with a few of his friends, but never got close to. The boy had tried, he remembered, but as always he shot him down, it was only his own fault they had remained acquaintances. Ironically, he was the first to notice him and waved at him politely. Minho felt stuck in place as his eyes fixed on Jisung, who fearlessly looked right back at him. He had been afraid of that moment, when he would have seen the hurt in his eyes, the hurt he was responsible for. But those brown eyes curled up as he smiled teasingly. As always, they were like an open book waiting to be red and he saw the challenge they held. It reminded him of the night they met.

“Long time no see Mr. Bucket! So you aren’t dead at last”

Minho blinked, confused. He had expected the younger to scream at him, tell him to fuck off, not passively aggressively greet him. He guessed that was fair too. Chan put a hand on his shoulder to guide him towards the others. He had forgot he had been standing in the doorway for far too long, just looking at them like a gaping fish.

“I told you not to call me that”

He answered out of habit. Jisung, who had been glaring, got up and took a step towards him. Ah, Minho thought, here it comes.

“How should I call you then? Party pooper? Bugs bunny? No wait, maybe you would prefer loser? Because you know you’re going to lose tonight”

Anyone from the outside would have interpreted this as their usual bickering, but Minho could notice the difference in the younger’s behavior. How he basically spit out the words, layered with a veil of anger. Minho wanted to stretch his hand and soothe the wrinkles that formed on his forehead as he spoke, but of course, he couldn’t do that now. So he could only tease back.

“You know you sound like a child, right now?”

Jisung huffed.

“Better be a child than a coward”

Minho grimaced, he deserved it, he knew that, but it didn’t feel any less painful. Thankfully Chan intervened before things could escalate.

“Hey you two, cool it, you’ll have plenty of time to do that inside”

Jisung turned his back on him and headed to the counter. He couldn’t help watching him. Minho did that until he adverted Changbin’s gaze on him, as if he was analyzing closely what was up with him and Minho wondered if he knew, or if he was just worried about him. If Chan had told him anything about the dreams, it was probably the latter.

They all gathered in front of the clerk, who after checking they had booked the room and paid, handed them the vests with the sensors placed on the chest and in the lower back. He gave them the plastic guns too and guided them to the mildly lit entryway of the “maze”, where they would be playing. 

“I see a few familiar faces here, so I’ll keep this short, the sensors count your points so when you give them back I’ll give you a list from worst to best, the best, of course, being the one who managed to get the fewer shots on himself. Don’t hit each other, don’t kill each other, or at least not on my shift. Don’t vomit and most importantly don’t pee in there”

“Does that happen often?”

Asked Seungmin, a little disgusted.

“Kids come here to celebrate their birthdays, what did you expect?”

The boy shrugged.

“Fair enough”

The guy nodded.

“Alright now you all shake hands because today I’ve already seen two couples fight for this stupid game and if I have to break another fight I’ll be going to jail for voluntary manslaughter”

Minho and Changbin exchanged a worried look as they shook hands, Chan laughed hoping it was a joke and they weren’t in front of an actual serial killer. Not to anyone’s surprise, the last to shook hands were Jisung and Minho. The elder stretched his hand, his guilt making him take the first step and Ji looked at it reluctantly for a few seconds before he took it. 

“Good luck”

The elder wished him. Jisung rolled his eyes.

“I don’t need it, clearly I can take care of myself, not like you would worry about that”

He shook his head lightly.

“I was just being kind”

“Uh, because you’re such a nice guy, aren’t you? Not the kind who would just run off on someone, right?”

Minho’s features hardened.

“I didn’t do that”

“Sure you didn’t, cause you’re an angel”

Sarcasm seeped through his words. Jisung always found a way to get under his skin, no matter the situation. He bit his lip, holding back the harsh words he was going to say next.

“Ji, can we do this later?”

He whispered instead, proud for keeping himself in check. Jisung nodded hesitantly and took back his hand.

Minho let their fingers intertwine briefly as they pulled away, unable to help the temptation to touch him just a little longer. Jisung gasped lightly at that and Minho couldn’t help a fond smile spread on his face hearing his reaction. The clerk ushered them in and told them he would be back in an hour.

As soon as they got in, they were presented with a big space, which had on the left a few weird shaped objects or barricades the could hide behind. On the right there was a junction, Minho knew that one went to a more secluded area which had veils and mirrors placed to confuse the players, the other gave the name to the whole installment, “the maze”, as it was, in fact an intricate labyrinth of fake bushes and plasterboard walls.

“Spread out guys, I’ll count to ten”

Chan began, but Jisung cut him off, aiming at him, his gun going off. Everyone took the distraction to go look for a place to hide while Chan ran after his younger friend, cursing at him.

Minho found repair behind a vaguely pear shaped obstacle and with the corner of his eye he saw Hyunjin crouching behind a barrel, while Seungmin found a wall he could climb and sit on top of, getting himself probably the best spot out of all of them, because it was the highest. He had lost sight of Changbin and the other two boys as well but he could hear them fire at each other somewhere a bit further away.

“So are we just going to sit around and wait?”

Hyunjin asked.

“Dumbass you just revealed your position”

Seungmin screamed back.

“You too, idiot”

Minho saw Jin trying to aim at the other boy, but before he could, Seungmin had already fired against him. 

“Ah! Take this Hwang!”

Minho laughed and shot towards Seungmin.

“WHO WAS THAT?”

Hyunjin got up to point at him and giggle, Minho immediately took the chance to fire at him as well and Jin’s laughter turned into whining.

“That must be Minho because he’s ruthless”

“You should do less talking and more playing”

The elder replied as he fired again, to which this time Hyunjin responded. Seungmin soon joined them, pointing mostly at Hyunjin, who when he realized he was outnumbered, ran laterally to get to the maze. Minho got out of his hiding spot, figuring he had to move as well to find the others.

“You staying there?”

He asked as he walked out. Seungmin hummed.

“I won’t shoot you if you don’t say anything to the others”

Minho shrugged.

“Secret’s safe with me”

Now having some kind of reassurance that he wouldn’t be hit in the back, he turned his shoulders on him and ran into the maze too. He met Chan as he rounded the corner and the two fired a few shots at each other before they decided to team up instead and look for the others to ambush them. 

“Changbin is at the mirror house for sure, Hyunjin and Jisung were here before, but I don’t hear them anymore”

Chan whispered. Minho nodded, keeping his weapon ready. 

“Maybe they’ve had the same idea”

He answered keeping his voice just as low. As soon as he finished saying that the two aforementioned boys appeared in the corridor and started firing against them. Minho and Chan did the same, trying to cover themselves behind the wall between the shots. 

“Look over there!”

Jisung screamed, startling them and boldly ran past them to get out of the maze, while Hyunjin used the momentarily distraction to go back to where he came from. Chan and Minho looked at each other dumbfounded before they started cackling.

“He’s such an idiot”

Minho said as the laughter stopped.

“We are too, I can't believe he fooled us like that… come on, I’ll follow Hyunjin”

Chan stated as he run after him. Minho sighed and went in the opposite direction. He heard a few shots in the open space, but a glance told him it was Changbin versus Seungmin and he made his way to the other room. There, a fuchsia light illuminated the place, which almost looked like some kind of ancient temple, it had that mysterious area due to the rustling veils. He stepped inside and silently moved around, trying to catch a shadow, or a reflection that showed him the presence of the other boy. His breath hitched when suddenly he felt a pressure against his lower back.

Out of instinct he raised his hands and Jisung was quick to take the gun from him. Minho turned around.

“Got you”

Jisung whispered, a smug grin on his face.

“Technically you haven’t shot me yet”

Minho pointed out, which made Jisung roll his eyes.

“Do I have to? You’re unharmed, you lost, admit it”

“This isn’t how the game works though”

Jisung glared at him. 

“You shouldn’t test my patience now”

Minho scoffed.

“Patience? You don’t even know what that is”

“What is that supposed to mean? I’m super patient!”

The elder laughed in disbelief.

“You’re hot-headed, you never respect anyone’s boundaries, you’re so restless I get tired just watching you, how does that translate to patient?”

Jisung squeezed his eyes into thin lines, but he didn't really look angry, sad, if anything.

“Then don’t watch me if I’m so disgusting to you”

He told him with so much haste Minho wondered if he had hurt him even more than he had imagined.

“Disgusting? Jisung, I would never call you that”

He let his voice soften and tried to meet his gaze, but the boy was staring intensely at the ground.

“You wouldn't to my face, but the message was clear anyway”

Minho furrowed his brows.

“Ji, I never meant to make you feel that way”

“What was I supposed to feel then?! Grateful?! Oh, look the cool and mysterious Lee Minho decided to fuck me out of pity and then throw me away like I was just some random guy. I thought that we- that we were friends, at least”

Minho stretched his hand, feeling the need to brush the lonely tear that was silently going down Jisung’s cheek. The boy tilted his head back to avoid it. He knew he didn’t have the right to get mad, but it really irritated him to see him talk like that about himself and all he was saying to contradict him falling on deaf ears.

“I- Ji, fuck, stop putting yourself down like that!”

He almost shouted.

“What do you care?”

The younger spat back in the same tone.

“Jisung, god you’re so… of course I care about you!”

“You sure have a weird way of showing it!”

The younger screamed, now definitely mad.

“You do too! What even is your love language? Clinging to people until they’re so tired of fighting back they have to give in?”

Minho had gotten riled up as well and he didn't have control over his words anymore.

“I don’t do that! And even if, at least I don’t confuse people like you!”

“And I’m not annoying like you!”

“Stop acting like you’re better than me! Why can’t you just give me one win, uh? “

Jisung combed one hand through his hair in frustration.

“I’ve never acted like I was better than you, I literally never said that”

He answered as he felt his irritation growing to no end.

“You didn’t have to!”

“It’s not my fault you feel accomplished only through these stupid games”

“You feel satisfied with yourself only if you make people feel like shit, at least I don’t hurt anyone!”

Minho was fuming, because he wasn't satisfied at all, but he couldn't tell him or deny what he had done.

“I didn’t promise you anything!”

“You’re still a dick!”

Minho, tired of screaming, turned to actions. With his right hand he took Jisung’s gun and threw it away. Ji’s eyes went wide, clearly not expecting that turn of events. Before he could start talking again, Minho wrapped his arms on his middle, he pushed him up against him and immediately connected their lips in a bruising kiss, to which Ji responded fast, just as desperately. Jisung cupped his face with both hands and brushed his cheeks with his thumbs, an action so sweet in contrast to the intense kiss, that deepened as Minho licked aggressively into his mouth. The elder found a mirror near them and pushed Jisung against it as he slipped a knee between his legs, the younger moaning at the sensation. They pulled apart to breath, their foreheads touching and Minho pressed a light kiss against his neck. Jisung trembled from the sensitivity and Minho took note of that as he nibbled gently at the skin there, full on attacking it as the younger moaned. 

Suddenly they heard steps and flinched apart, gasping. Jisung retrieved his gun and Minho picked up his own as well. The younger glanced at him as they waited in silence for a second, but then sighing took a step towards him and brushed his hair with a hand. 

“We’ll talk about this”

He said softly, before turning back and running outside of the room. Minho damned himself thinking about the situation he had gotten himself in again. At least this time he wasn’t the one who ran.

On Tuesday evening, he heard angry knocks at his door while he was watching a movie, tucked in his bed. He wanted to ignore it, knowing it couldn’t be Chan because he’d finish working a lot later, but the person on the other side was undeterred by the waiting, so, groaning, he got up and opened. Jisung stood there with his fist raised, caught as he prepared to knock again. 

“Fucking finally”

He exclaimed as he went in uninvited.

“Woah, woah, woah, what are you doing here?”

Jisung took off his shoes like he was at home and stretched himself on the bed. Minho sighed and closed the door, understanding it would have been impossible to kick him out then. He didn’t seem like he came to his dorm to fight, so he thought he could handle it. He had missed spending time with him.

“Changbin and Hyunjin are fucking in our dorm, can you believe that? They have a giant ass house to do things and they go here, just to sexile me? Assholes”

Minho giggled, knowing well the frustration.

"Hyunjin is your ghost roommate? I didn't know that"

"Well, it's not like you asked"

Jisung mumbled. Minho felt guilty again.

“I was watching Totoro, you can join me”

Ji smiled grateful at that.

“Thanks, I need the distraction”

Minho shoved him gently towards the wall and got on the bed as well, putting the computer over one of his legs and one of Jisung’s to keep it in the middle. The bed was a single, so they were basically glued to one another. 

The elder was calmly watching the movie when he felt lips press just beneath his ear. He froze, but quickly relaxed when he felt other ones follow lower and lower. 

“This is what you meant with distraction?”

Minho couldn’t help teasing the other boy, who hummed against his skin.

“You used me, so it’s only fair that I use you too”

Minho rolled his eyes as he felt Jisung had reached his collarbone and was now sucking a mark.

“I-I didn’t use you”

He stammered unable to control his voice due to what the other was doing.

“No? Then why did you leave?”

Minho shook his head lightly.

“Don’t ask me that”

Jisung stopped his actions and put a hand on Min's chest easing the crinkles on the fabric of his t-shirt he had made while tugging it down to have more access. He stared right into his eyes and for a moment Minho saw such vulnerability in them he felt like he wanted to cry.

“Did you regret it?”

Jisung whispered softly.

“You mean leaving or sleeping with you?”

“The second one, of course, if you would have regretted leaving you wouldn’t have ghosted me, right?”

Minho scoffed. 

“I wish things were that simple”

Jisung sighed and hastily wrapped his arms against his neck and hugged him tightly. It was so unexpected that it took him a moment to hug back, drowning his head in Jisung’s hair, the faint scent of honey soothing him.

“You’re such shit”

Jisung murmured against his shoulder, though his voice was fond.

“Tell me something I don’t know”

He laughed bitterly.

“It was extremely confusing waking up alone after I felt you holding me all night. You literally made me do a walk of shame to get back to my dorm and you didn’t even send a text after all the times I called you. I was so mad at you, you have no idea how much I wanted to slap you the other day”

Minho sighed.

“I expected you to, honestly”

“I couldn’t do it in front of everyone and then when we were alone you just…ah, you’re so infuriating!”

He smirked.

“How the table have turned”

Jisung pulled away from the hug to show him he was being serious.

“Look, I wasn’t asking you to marry me, I just wanted to talk things out then, maybe laugh it off if I really disgusted you that much”

“Again with this word? You don’t, in the slightest. I’m sorry I hurt you, I really didn’t mean to, but never think so low of yourself, especially not because of me, I’m not worth it”

Jisung groaned.

“See? This is why you’re infuriating! How can you behave like that and then talk to me so sweetly?”

Minho grinned. 

“You’re one to talk, where did all your cockiness and your pick up lines go? Who’s this soft baby here?”

He joked as he tinkled his side, making Jisung giggle. 

“Stop! Come on, we have to talk about this seriously”

“You’re the one who sucked my neck!”

Jisung smirked.

“I know”

Minho shook his head snickering. Jisung took a deep breath and gripped one of his hands between both of his, playing with it.

“Ok, so you can’t explain why you freaked out and left”

“I did not-“

He began defending himself, but was silenced by Jisung’s glare. 

“But then you kissed me at the laser tag place”

Minho nodded.

He wiggled his pointer finger between the two of them.

“So what does this mean to you?”

He sighed, knowing he was about to hurt him again.

“ Ji I-“

“You want no strings attached, right? That’s why you left when we hooked up”

Jisung interrupted him, quirking an eyebrow, questioningly.

“I mean, yes, you could say that but it’s not jus-“

“Don’t sugarcoat it for me, yes or no?”

Jisung asked assertively.

“Yes”

Minho responded, dreading what Jisung was going to say next.

“Ok, see? This wasn’t so hard”

“What? You’re ok with that?!”

He said in disbelief. Jisung laughed.

“I mean yeah, I wasn’t mad at you because I expected you to become my boyfriend or anything. I was angry because I felt like you didn’t care about me and I was afraid you were going to pull a Houdini and disappear completely”

He gestured towards Minho as if he was using a wand and the elder couldn’t help his giggle for how ridiculous it looked.

“You’re an idiot”

Jisung suddenly straddled him, putting his arms around his neck.

“I’m an idiot in a museum then, because you are a work of art”

Minho chuckled and tickled him again.

“When are you going to quit it with the jokes?”

“When are you going to quit stalling? I don’t think Chan’s shift is going to last all night”

Minho’s lips curled up into a smile and he pressed their mouths together, for once slowly, delicately, because they weren’t in a rush.They felt all giddy as they undressed, their breaths trembling like it was their first time together. Minho made sure to kiss or touch every spot of that perfect honey skin, knowing that this happiness wasn’t going to last, but allowing himself to feel it, for once.

Their arrangement started out great. Every time they had a second alone they were all over each other, so much that they had a makeout session in Changbin’s bathroom once and Minho couldn’t believe their friends were so oblivious they didn’t notice. This was one of their unspoken rules: to keep it under wraps. Not that their friends would have had anything to say, they just wanted to escape the never-ending teasing they were going to get if they did, or the intrusive questions they were going to ask, because they were a nosy bunch. Another one was that they never spent the night together, even if Ji asked him sometimes. However Minho always made sure Jisung was ok, tucked him under the covers and put a plushie in his arms, so he could hug something. If the boy fell asleep before he went away he made sure to leave a note. Most nights they would meet up to relieve stress, but sometimes they just wanted to spend time together, Jisung insisting on that because they were “friends” first and Minho agreeing because he always had a lot of fun with him. The nightmares got less frequent and Chan less insistent on trying to get him to talk, because this time at least he was hiding something that made him happy.

One afternoon as Minho was packing his books at the end of class, he heard his phone ring and rolling his eyes answered.

“Ji, I told you not to call me”

The elder said fondly as he heard him chuckle.

“Is this the Hogwart’s express?”

“God, I’m afraid of letting you finish that sentence”

“Come on! Give it a chance!”

Jisung shouted excitedly.

“Sure, continue”

“Is this the Hogwart’s express? Because I feel like you and I are headed somewhere magical”

Minho smiled despite himself.

“Ok, I’ll have to admit that was kind of cute?”

“UH TAKE THIS”

Minho grimaced as he moved the phone further from his ear before Jisung could damage his hearing permanently.

“Did you call me just for this?”

“No, I’m going to a cafe to study, do you want to come with me?”

Minho again sported a cheeky smile.

“I think I’ve already done that angel”

“YAH! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER!”

Minho chuckled.

“I’m in the corridor A-F on the first floor”

“I know, I remember your schedule”

Minho was taken aback by that fact, but he didn’t have time to stress over it, because soon he saw Jisung strolling towards him. He closed the call and met him halfway.

“Do you like raisins?”

“Is that a special of the cafe?”

Jisung giggled and shook his head.

“How do you feel about a date?”

Minho bit his lip trying to stifle a laugh, but couldn’t contain it when Jisung started cackling.

“That was so bad, it might be your funniest one yet”

“Yeah, that’s me, Jisung the funny guy”

He chuckled awkwardly while brushing a hand on his nape. 

“Were you actually asking me out?”

Minho quirked an eyebrow at him. That was definitely another unspoken rule. Jisung shook his head frantically.

“Who? Me? Why would I do that?”

“You know I don-“

Jisung gave him a quick kiss on the lips to shut him up.

“I know, ok? It was just a joke”

The younger looked down at his shoes, but Minho put two fingers under his chin and made him look up.

“Show me where this cafe is then”

Jisung livened up again and gave him a smile so bright he could have rivaled the sun. It fascinated Minho how he could go from being painfully cocky, so much that it was cringey, to being extremely awkward or a complete softie. 

They went back to his dorm to get the books Minho needed and then Jisung led him to tiny cafe not far from university, that was really chill. Ji apparently loved it because of the good playlists they played, the plants, because he liked them but didn’t know how to take care of them without killing them (the last time he tried to buy a bunch of succulents he turned into a “mass murderer”, as he said) and of course, the coffee.

Before he realized it they were already at the cashier because there wasn’t any line when they came in, and he hadn’t got tired of Jisung’s rambling at all during their walk. It was interesting to hear him talk with such passion about the most common things in the world.

“What do you want?”

The younger asked as he reached for his wallet.

“Uhm, I usually get an Americano”

“Ooooh that’s really good here, it's one of my favorites, I recommend it”

A guy with blonde hair and light freckles sprinkled across his cheeks came to the counter and beamed when he noticed the boy in front of him.

“Hi Jiji! I’ve missed you!”

He made grabby hands towards him and Jisung smiled right back and leaned over the surface to hug him as best as he could. Minho squinted his eyes at the scene.

“Aww Lixie, I’m sorry I couldn’t come all last week, but I brought a friend”

They disentangled and while getting down Jisung hit his hip on the counter and let out a whimper. Felix laughed and only in that moment the server seemed to see him. 

“Oh, hi! Sorry, I’m usually more professional than this I swear”

He defended himself as he waved a hand in front of him. Minho gave him a strained smile.

“Hi”

Jisung rolled his eyes at his cold tone.

“Don’t mind him Lix, he’s hostile right now because he’s out of his natural habitat, which I still have to figure out because I have to understand what animal he reminds me of”

Felix giggled and fixed his eyes on Minho for a moment.

“A lion maybe, or a wolf?”

Minho furrowed his brows.

“Why do you think that?”

“You have a fierce look in your eyes”

Jisung stared at him too, then shook his head.

“That’s just the surface, no, no, I still have to dig deeper”

Minho grinned.

“I thought you were a squirrel not a mole”

Felix cackled.

“Yeah with how absent-minded he is it wouldn’t be hard to believe he’s blind”

Jisung frowned and crossed his arms.

“I don’t appreciate you two teaming up on me”

Felix giggled and stretched out a hand to pat his hair.

“Oww, baby don’t get upset”

Minho was growing sour by the second, glaring at the boy.

Jisung scrunched his nose cutely and shoved his hand away.

“Stop making fun of me and get me my hot chocolate”

Felix nodded and tapped something in the register, then he turned to Minho and widened his eyes comically intercepting his glare.

“Uhm, what would you like?”

“Americano, iced”

“Coming right up!”

Jisung passed him some cash and Felix whispered him something that made the boy blush. Felix giggled and went to the back to make their drinks. When Ji turned around, he found a grumpy Minho looking at him.

“What?”

“Why did you bring me here?”

Minho asked, his tone very dry.

“To study? Duh”

Minho shook his head.

“I don’t believe you”

Jisung sighed.

“Alright, I wanted to show you one of my favorite places, are you happy? What, is that not allowed?”

The elder was still sulking.

“Maybe you forgot to mention one of the reasons why you like it so much”

Jisung looked at him puzzled and Minho nodded towards the room where Felix had gone in. Realization finally hit Jisung.

“Oh my god, are you jealous of Felix?”

Minho turned his back on him.

“No?”

“Was that a question or-“

“I’m not jealous, I just didn’t think you would bring me where your boyfriend works”

Jisung actually started laughing and Minho turned around.

“What’s so funny?”

“You think that me and Lix are dating? That’s hilarious!”

“He called you baby, you jumped over a counter to hug him, you have nicknames for each other”

“That’s just us playing around, we both like skinship, besides you and I have nicknames for each other too, might I remind you, Mr. Bucket”

He finished in teasing tone.

“Uh-“

“Wait, you really think I would be with- that I would be doing what I’m doing with you if I had a boyfriend?“

“I don’t know, you could have been in an open relationship, I’m not stopping you from seeing other people”

Minho shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

“Well, I’m not”

The younger had a hurt look on his face and Minho looked away, because once again he knew he was to be blamed. They stood in silence as Felix came back with their orders. They found an empty table and took a seat.

“Are you… seeing other people?”

Jisung asked hesitantly. Minho took a sip of his coffee before answering him.

“No, I don’t have the time to do that”

He responded quickly, which was true, but also withholding some information.

“But you would if you had the chance”

Jisung thought out loud, clearly upset by that.

“I-I don’t know, maybe. We said no strings attached, this means that we’re not exclusive”

“So you’re telling me you wouldn’t be jealous if I went out with someone else?”

Minho shook his head, though his heart was screaming the opposite.

“I wasn’t acting jealous before, I was just embarrassed because of the situation”

He straight up lied, hoping the other wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Because of that or because of me?”

Minho only then observed carefully Jisung and he noticed that same insecure demeanor that he showed only in really vulnerable moments. His features softened and he stretched his hand on the table to take Jisung’s into his.

“Ji don’t you ever think that, you’re not the problem, at all, anyone would be lucky to date you”

Jisung groaned.

“You say that, but you’re the first who wouldn’t”

“It’s not because of you, absolutely not, you’re one of the most wonderful people I know”

He brought their joined hands closer to his face and kissed Jisung’s, wishing to communicate through the touch what he couldn’t express in words.

“Why won’t you then?”

Minho shot him a sad smile.

“Jisung, don’t, we’ve agreed-“

“I don’t give a fuck about that right now! I mean I do, but that’s not why I’m asking, I just… these things you won’t talk about, that burden you so much, have you tried doing something about it?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, talking about it with somebody you trust, writing it down, going to a therapist. I’m genuinely not saying that because of us, but because I want you to be happy and I can guess this has been bothering you for a long time”

Minho felt tears prickle at his eyes and look down trying to hide them.

“I’ll think about it”

He chocked out.

“Good, I want you to be happy”

They finished their drinks in silence and then shifted their chairs closer to listen to music while they sat next to each other. When they went back to campus, Minho escorted the younger to his room as usual, but stopped him as he was about to get in to wrap him in tight hug that said more than he could or would with words. Jisung hugged him just as tight and when they pulled away he stared just a second longer.

“Ah! I got it!”

Minho blinked in confusion.

“What?”

“I know what animal you resemble”

The elder smiled.

“Oh you’re still thinking about that?”

Jisung stretched a hand and caressed his cheek.

“Your eyes, how you hide your affection for others, or how you curl up when you’re asleep. You’re a cat”

“Jokes on you, they’re my favorite animals”

Jisung snickered and opened the door.

“I know that”

He waved and got inside, still not closing it behind him.

“Goodnight Simon”

Minho said as he turned around, the smile curling his lips refusing to die down.

“You too Mr. Bucket!”

It was a random Sunday morning when Jisung knocked on his door again. Minho was already awake, but had decided to lay in bed a little longer, so he was still groggy from sleep and cranky for leaving the comfort that provided his covers once he went to open the door.

“You have to help me”

Jisung whisper-shouted, startling Minho awake with concern.

“What happened Ji? Are you ok?”

“I fucking forgot! How could I forget?”

Jisung came in, walking nervously in circles around the room. Minho threw a look at Chan, who was still sleeping peacefully in his bed and gripped Ji’s arms.

“Hey, slow down, it’s ok”

Jisung finally took a deep breath and looked at him.

“I need a suit”

Minho’s face turned deadpan. 

“You just- that’s what you were freaking out about?”

Jisung opened his mouth to reply, but closed it quickly and waited another moment as Minho could see him carefully pick the words he was going to use.

“Look, it’s important, tomorrow night there’s the scholarship ceremony and I have to attend and give a speech so I need to wear it and I usually ask Hyunjin to lend me one of his but since the last time I needed it I’ve spared enough money to buy one that actually fits me, but you know how badly I procrastinate so I haven’t done that and the date completely slipped my mind”

“Ok, wait- you’re here on a scholarship?”

“Not the time Min!”

Jisung groaned.

“Ok, can you at least tell me how am I involved in this?”

“You need to help me pick! Come on, get dressed!”

He whined as he tugged on Minho’s hoodie. The elder laughed.

“Sure, you want to help?”

Minho teased him, making him blush slightly.

“Chan is right there!”

Min laughed and ruffled his hair.

“I know, I was joking”

He went to the wardrobe and pulled out something casual that he quickly slipped on, when he finished he saw Jisung had his back turned on him.

“What are you doing?”

He grinned. Jisung turned to him with his hands covering his eyes.

“I-I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, are you decent?”

Minho snickered and took his hands off his face.

“Don’t act like you haven’t seen me naked”

Jisung blushed harder and went out the door.

“That’s a different context”

“Whatever you say, Simon”

He closed the door behind him and started walking next to Ji. They took the subway and soon they were going into the mall, Jisung biting his nails as he looked around. Minho saw one where he thought they could find something and took the hand the younger was butchering to drag him there. 

“Maybe I should have just burrowed one from Hyunjin, this is a bad idea”

The elder rubbed circles on his hand with his thumb to soothe him.

“Ji, just take a look around first, Hyunjin can always lend you one if you don’t find anything you like”

Jisung nodded and stepped near a hanger that had mostly black suits, an assistant came up to help him and Minho showed him a thumbs up when he looked back at him relieved. As she piled up a few fits for him to try, Minho went to get a coffee, confident that now Jisung had someone more qualified to help him. He bough one for Ji too, used to order for both of them by now. In that moment it hit him just how much time they were spending together lately and how much he cared for him, way more than he did for any of his friends. Hell, he had been convinced to go out to a mall in the Sunday morning rush without even much pleading on the boy’s part. He sighed as he went back to the shop and because he didn’t see Ji anywhere, he went to the dressing rooms. 

“Simon?”

He called.

“I’m in here”

A voice came from behind the curtain. He still sounded kind of in the middle of a crisis so he put down the coffees on the bench of an empty dressing room and got closer to Jisung’s, but stopped outside remembering how Jisung's had reacted earlier while he had changed in front of him.

“Are you alright? Can I come in?”

He heard him deeply sigh.

“Yeah, please come”

Minho quickly slipped in, finding a frowning Jisung looking intensely at his reflection in the mirror. He had elegant trousers on, but his shirt was still open in the front and he was pinching the flesh of his tummy. 

“Do you need help to button it?”

He asked, now right behind him. Jisung met his eyes in the mirror.

“I’m so thin, none of these is going to look good on me”

Minho shook his head disapprovingly and hugged him from behind, leaning his head on the boy’s shoulder. 

“That’s not true, you’ll look handsome in a suit, you have no reason to feel insecure”

Jisung closed his eyes and leaned back on him.

“But I do, I always feel so fucking unsure of myself”

“You? Mr. cocky?”

Minho teased him, trying to make him smile. He did.

“Uhm, don’t steal my nicknames ideas”

The elder snickered and held him tighter.

“I thought you would have figure it out by now that that’s all a facade, why do you think I approached you the way that I did?”

Jisung mumbled, honestly.

“Because you’re a brat?”

Ji giggled and hit his head with his own lightly.

“Because I was awkward”

Minho brought up a hand to caress his soft cheek. Jisung with his brown locks, his sweet transparent eyes, his golden skin and his cute smile: he wished he could see himself through his own eyes. He made him turn around and cupped his face between his hands.

“Look at me”

The boy looked up to give him his undivided attention.

“Jisung, you aren’t anything like what you’re saying. You’re talented, you’re funny, you’re sweet. I know this probably won’t change how you feel about yourself but… you are beautiful, never doubt that”

Ji smiled, his eyes watering. 

“Thank you” 

He whispered against his lips. Minho smiled and pecked them before buttoning his shirt and helping him slip on his jacket. Jisung turned to the mirror, straightening his shoulders.

“I like the color”

“No shit, it’s black”

Jisung giggled.

“It’s weird seeing myself in something so fancy”

“I know, right? You look like the best man in a wedding”

Jisung frowned and turned to him. 

“Why not the groom?”

“Because black is basic, I thought you’d choose something better for your wedding”

Jisung grinned, having found new ground to tease him.

“You’ve thought about my wedding?”

Minho bit his lip, realizing his slip up. He hoped his ears didn’t turn red.

“I- not really no”

The younger laughed loudly.

“You actually did! Tell me more, tell me more!”

“Absolutely not”

Minho bolted out of the dressing room as Jisung was still cackling and retrieved their coffees to wait outside. Jisung quickly paid and went up to him smiling widely.

“Aww, you bought me coffee!”

“I figured I could, I was getting an Americano, I just had to add two at the end of my sentence”

Minho shrugged. Jisung grinned and nudged him with his shoulder as he took the cup from his hands.

“Sure, it’ll help keep your cool guy act on”

Minho rolled his eyes.

“I’m not cool and it’s not an act”

“You are and yes it is, because you make people believe you’re this cold unreachable guy, when in reality you’re a really- I mean you’re a good friend”

“If you say so”

They drank in peace as they looked at the people passing around them. 

“What do you want to do now?”

Minho quirked an eyebrow at Jisung’s question. 

“Go home?”

“Are you serious?”

“ You got everything you need, don’t you?”

The boy groaned and linked their arms.

“Come on! I’ve dragged you here, the least I can do is offer you lunch”

Minho let himself be guided to a ramen place, where they ordered and took their things to go. They sat outside to eat, next to a flowerbed. Minho wasn't really present, though. His thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone that day. The two of them had gotten almost too comfortable around each other and this oddly felt like a date. Minho knew they had crossed the line long ago and he had let it happen, even if his feelings were blossoming into something deeper, in an uncharted territory that he had decided he never wanted to see. The panic hadn’t settled in though, he hadn’t started to wonder when he would leave yet. But now he did and he couldn’t just set that aside. 

“Minho?”

He realized just then that the other had been talking while he was spacing out.

“Uh, yes?”

“Are you ok? You look like you’re head is somewhere else”

Minho took a deep breath and tried to keep his face neutral.

“Yeah, actually I was thinking-“

Jisung put a hand on his mouth, an anxious look in his eyes.

“No, not yet”

Minho scrunched his forehead in confusion.

“I know what you want to say, just… please can we hang out a bit more before?”

Ji’s eyes were speaking, showing him how desperate he really felt and Minho didn’t blame him because once again it was his fault for giving mixed signs and taking it too far. For following his heart instead of his head and ultimately choose the latter anyway.

Minho nodded and they finished their meals silently. After that Jisung began his rambling again and this time Minho did listen to him, because everything that came out of his mouth was music to his ears and he wanted to remember it all. The boy dragged them to an arcade and they had fun playing against each other, Minho didn’t even mind it too much when Jisung teased him mercilessly for being shit at darts, he only flicked him in the forehead lightly, but it was more for show than because he wanted revenge. They walked all the way back and it was dark when they saw the lights of campus from afar.

“Jisung”

He started solemnly.

“I-I can see that you’re catching feelings for me and I already told you that I don’t want a serious relationship”

Jisung tilted his head and scoffed at him.

“You can’t seriously stand there and tell me I’m the only one who has feelings”

Minho inhaled deeply, feeling his throat close up.

“I don’t want to hurt you”

“Well, you’ve already done that and you’re doing it right now!”

Jisung shouted uncaring that by then they were in the hallway of their dorm building and people surely would hear them.

“I’m sorry Ji, but I can’t, I just can’t”

Minho felt tears sting his eyes. Jisung shook his head laughing bitterly.

“So this is it? You’re leaving again? Or are you going to kiss me next time we see each other and act like I don't mean anything to you?”

The younger raised his voice, angry, frustrated.

“I think we should be just friends”

Minho said quietly, unable to even look him in the eyes.

“Min, I can’t do this anymore. You say that you don’t like me, that you don’t want to be with me and then you treat me better than any person ever has, you say you want to break it off, yet you’re the one crying”

He said, his voice broken like he was holding back his own tears. Minho just nodded, because he couldn’t deny it.

“You’re crying too”

“Yes, because I can’t understand what goes inside your head!”

Minho sighed.

“I don’t know either most of the time”

“I- god how can I be mad at you when you look like a kicked puppy? I want to be mad at you, I should be!”

Minho hugged him and combed a hand through his hair seeing how worked up he was getting.

“You have every reason to”

Jisung was crying as he took Minho’s face in his hands and kissed him desperately, like he didn’t want to let go. Without breaking apart they stumbled into the apartment and shut the door, quickly making their way to the bed. Minho worshipped him and made their last night all about Jisung, doing everything he could to leave a mark on him, wishing that he would remember him for this and not for everything he had done to hurt him. Pleasure and pain were a fatal mix that they got used to, because wether they were together or apart they always made each other feel them and the went from one end to the other so quickly it made them dizzy. 

“One last time, stay the night, please”

Jisung murmured to Minho as he was getting dressed to leave, the younger trying his hardest to make him stay.

“If I spend the night, I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave”

“Then don’t”

Jisung said in such a vulnerable way Minho couldn’t resist stealing another kiss from him, then pressing his lips for a moment on his temple.

“I have to”

He put on his shoes and got up, taking a few steps towards the door. He wanted to look back, but he knew his heart couldn’t handle it, as it was already tugging painfully in his chest.

“Good night”

He said instead. 

“Goodbye”

Jisung answered him. Minho closed the door behind him and felt hot tears running down his cheeks as he walked to his dorm. People always left, that’s why he hated them so much. Minho always made sure he did that before they could. He couldn’t help hating himself for it too.

His nightmares didn’t come back like the last time he and Jisung had a falling out, but he felt like shit nonetheless. His days merged into a never ending cycle of sleeping, studying, eating, going to work and doing it all again. Chan had once again that worried look in his eyes whenever they talked, which was rarely because Minho often acted like he was already asleep when he came in to avoid his questioning. He had tried getting Minho into another outing with their common friends, but fearing that Jisung might be there he decidedly refused. The younger hadn’t tried to contact him since that night and Minho knew he had to respect that, he hoped that Jisung at least would want to go back to being his friend, but it was probably best for them to not see each other for a while. Even if without him Minho felt the loneliest he had ever felt, which was saying much because he had felt like he was one against the world his whole life.

One day, as he was getting in the dorm after a late lecture, he saw a missed call from his mom. With all that drama he hadn’t realize it had been a while since he heard from her and Hyunshik, his stepdad. He dialed the number and waited for the call to connect. As usual, his mother answered immediately and held out her breath as she waited for him to speak. Well, not really for him, he knew all too well who she was actually hoping would be on the other end of the phone. Ever since who she thought the love of her life had walked out on them without any reason, she never lost the habit, the hope that he would come back to give her an explanation. Even after she remarried to a way better man, she would have always waited for it, haunted like her son himself.

“Mom? It’s me Minho”

“Oh, of course, I know. How are you my son?”

“Uh, fine”

The silence that followed his statement made it clear he was very unconvincing.

“Ok, I lied, I-I messed up mom…”

He stuttered, his voice choking as he spoke.

“Oh honey, I wish I was there to hug you”

She replied warmly.

“No, if I told you what happened, I think I would be getting a good scolding of yours”

He joked through the silent tears falling on his cheeks. She chuckled quietly.

“Minnie, talk to me, I can hear you need to”

“I-I think I like someone”

She clicked his tongue.

“I know my baby and he wouldn’t cry over a tiny crush”

Minho sighed.

“Ok, maybe a bit more than like, actually a lot more”

“See? A mother’s instinct is never wrong”

He smiled sadly.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, because I was scared and I hurt him, badly, it wasn’t the first time either. I told him we could never be together and I don’t know if he would forgive me, I don’t even think I deserve it”

His mother hummed at the other end of the line.

“Minnie, why did you push him away?”

A sudden sob shook him so harshly he couldn’t answer.

“Son, listen to me, love is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It’s also very painful, the fact that you’re scared of it, only means that you’re smart. But is it really worth it to suppress all the good things this person makes you feel, just because you don’t want to be sad? Isn’t it even worse now? Minho, you don’t think I notice, but I’ve seen how much you’ve closed off ever since your father left, how you’ve let your heart harden so much you didn’t let anyone in. I’m glad you’ve met someone that was so warm he managed to get through. I think it’s time you open yourself again, I know it’s difficult, because we can never forget our scars, but if I did it, if I moved on, you can too” 

Minho brushed the tears off his face.

“I- what if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“You will never know if you don’t try”

She said with a smile in her voice.

“I don’t know if I could handle it”

He whispered lowly.

“Your heart is stronger than you think, I would know, you inherited it from me”

He took another deep breath and when he let it out he felt lighter, like he finally had let a big weight off his chest.

“Thank you mum, I miss you”

“I miss you too, Minnie, come visit soon, ok?”

“Ok, say hi to Hyunshik for me”

“I will, see you soon, honey”

Minho let himself fall on the bed, feeling drained. He knew he had some serious thinking to do, but he was too tired to do that now, so he changed into his pajama and laid on his bed with a film on his laptop and a packet of cookies next to him. He wasn’t even twenty minutes in though, that Chan and Changbin came inside the room. Resolution clear on their faces.

“Ok, this is officially an intervention”

Changbin began as Minho took out another cookie.

“For what?”

Chan glared at him.

“Are you for real? We’ve been friends for more than three years and you still haven’t learned to talk to us”

“I’ve known him for 10 years longer and I can tell you it doesn’t get better”

Minho reluctantly closed his computer and sat up.

“I’m sorry you’re losing time worrying about me”

Chan shook his head.

“Scoot”

Minho shifted a little to the right and Chan plopped next to him on one side, Changbin taking a seat on the other side.

“It hurts us to see you bottle everything up and we can’t make you talk to us if you really don’t want to, but don’t you think it’s time you let someone in?”

“Like a crack in the door, not even like inside”

Chan added. Minho sighed.

“I already called my mom today, do I have to tell you too?”

Changbin patted his shoulder.

“You don’t have to Min, we just want to help”

“Well, I don’t know if you can”

“You could try”

Chan smiled reassuringly.

“I just.. I don’t deserve this, I was the one who did this to myself”

Minho admitted, regret seeping through his voice.

“You didn’t kill anyone, right?”

“Bin what the hell? No!”

He snapped, making Chan chuckle.

“I mean, it could explain why you haven’t got out of your room if not to go to lectures or work in the last 2 weeks”

“I wasn’t hiding, I was giving him space”

“Who?”

Asked Chan puzzled.

“Jisung, obviously”

Said Changbin. Chan nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, it’s- wait, how do you know?”

“You think two of our best friends could date without us noticing?”

Changbin raised his eyebrows unimpressed and Minho gave him a dark look.

“We didn’t date, we were just… friends”

“Friends who make out in my bathroom for thirty minutes, expecting us not to notice”

The shorter boy remarked.

“Friends with benefits then”

Chan shook his head disapprovingly. 

“You know that we make music with Ji, right?”

Minho's eyes widened.

“What do you mean? He wrote about me?”

Chan cleared his voice, looking at his other friend for support.

“We can’t be sure, but his lyrics have been way darker than usual these days”

“And he looked very blue, Hyunjin even set him up with one of his friends because he said he was tired of seeing him eat ice cream and cry in their room”

Changbin added with ease, like he didn’t just drop a bomb on him.

“Hyunjin did what?!”

Changbin grinned.

“At least that got your attention”

“Is it true?”

Minho asked, turning to Chan.

“Yeah, I think it was tonight actually”

Minho got up and scrambled to get his shoes on and a coat. Jisung was about to meet someone else. He really was about to move on. Those weeks apart, if anything had only told him how much he was wrong to push him away. He didn’t want to lose him, he wanted to hold his hand again, to hear his giggle or his stupid jokes, to see those deep brown eyes stare at him and watch him blush when he caught him. Fuck, Minho stopped everything he was doing when realization hit him.

“I love him”

He whispered in disbelief. Chan and Changbin smiled at him.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go! Haven’t you made the poor boy suffer enough?”

Minho felt his hands getting sweaty.

“But what if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if the other guy is better? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me? I have to respect his decisions, I can’t just go to him and expect him to take me back”

Changbin got up and put a hand on his elbow.

“Minho, Jisung isn’t made of glass, if he really doesn’t want all that you can be sure he’ll tell you and then we’ll think about what to do”

Chan nodded and gave him a stern look.

“I don’t know if he told you this, but I’m going to anyway because you need the wake up call. Jisung, he’s an orphan, he’s never had a family, people who take care of him. He deserves someone who’ll put him first, someone who’ll fight for him. If you’re not willing to do that, then ok, be a coward and stay here, but if you are, you need to go and tell him now, before it’s too late”

Minho gaped in shock while listening to his friend, as soon as he finished he was already running to Jisung’s room, not even realizing when he decided to do that, his feet moving as if they had a mind of their own. He knocked violently to get him to answer faster. 

Hyunjin opened the door.

“What the fuck man? You wanted to kick it down?”

Minho got inside and he felt himself freeze when he saw that Jisung’s shoes weren’t there.

“He’s not here…”

Hyunjin crossed his arms on his chest.

“He went out at least half an hour ago, you’ve lost your train”

Minho felt his knees buckle, the air sucked out of his chest.

“I’m too late”

He perceived tears prickle his eyes and feeling like he was going to faint he laid on Jisung’s bed.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you the one who didn’t like him back?”

“I never said that”

He defended himself weakly.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, get out”

Minho looked up at the ceiling.

“Please, let me wait for him”

He knew he must have sounded pathetic, but he didn’t muster all that courage for nothing. He could make up for his mistakes, he didn’t want to believe it was really over. Jin sighed.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, it took a lot of convincing to make him go out tonight, I don’t want you ruining his progress-”

Suddenly the door opened and Minho got up in a sitting position immediately. Jisung was back. He was out for less than an hour with the guy, maybe it wasn’t all lost, maybe he still had a chance.

“That’s my scarf”

Minho observed taking him in after being deprived of his presence for so long.

“Minho? What are you doing here?”

Jisung asked, his forehead furrowing in confusion, though the longing was clear in his eyes.

“You still have my scarf…”

He repeated, still processing the information.

“Uhm, I’m sorry I didn’t give it back to you, I know it has an emotional value for you”

Jisung apologized sheepishly, moving to take it off but Minho shook his head.

“It’s fine, you should keep it”

Jisung looked down at his feet, he seemed so small he wanted to hold him.

“Can we talk?”

Minho asked, his voice suddenly hoarse.

Jisung nodded.

“Jin, can you go to Changbin’s?”

“Uhm actually he was in my room before”

Minho added to help the wandering boy find his way, Hyunjin groaned and took his coat. 

“If when I come back he’s crying I’m going to whip your ass”

The door slammed shut and Jisung took a step towards him.

“Are you ok? You don’t look that good”

Minho shook his head.

“I should be the one asking you that”

Jisung sat next to him.

“Isn’t it obvious? I feel awful”

He sounded defeated and it hurt him to see him so down, but it also gave him a little hope.

“So you didn’t have fun at your date?”

Minho tried to ask in a teasing tone, but he couldn’t help the heaviness in his voice. Jisung squinted his eyes at him, suddenly seeming really angry.

“That’s why you came?! You’re fucking unbelievable, you were the one who never wanted a relationship, now you come here just because of your jealous bullshit! ”

Jisung went to get up, but Minho gripped his arm to keep him next to him.

“No, no, it’s not because of that- I mean I was jealous when they told me, but I came here because I realized something”

He spoke as fast as he could, afraid that he would just get too irritated and leave. Jisung did seem mildly annoyed.

“Well, quit stalling and tell me”

Minho bit his lip and shook his head softly.

“No, I have to do something before that”

Jisung sighed exasperated, tapping his foot on the ground.

“Are you trying to torture me?“

Minho put his hands in his hair and got up, walking restlessly around the room. Why did he keep messing up? Was he so bad at this he was an actual lost cause?

“No, no I just- fuck how did you do this. Uhm, we’re not socks”

He said hesitantly, though Jisung heard it if his puzzled look told him anything.

“You know you aren’t making any sense ri-“

“But we’d make a great pair”

Minho said a bit more firmly, Ji’s eyes widened, then he grinned, beaming.

“That was good, actually, but I think you owe me a bit more than that”

Minho nodded a pink tint coloring his cheeks as he stumbled on his words.

“Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me”

Jisung couldn’t stop smiling and Minho couldn’t help mirroring his expression.

“Uh, uh, continue”

“Are you a time traveller? ‘Cause I can see you in my future”

Jisung giggled and took his hands to bring him closer.

“This is really fun… why haven’t you done this before?”

“I mean they are cheesy as fuck”

Jisung chuckled and pulled him to sit again next to him, still holding his hands.

“I meant, why are you saying these things now? Why did you push me away and then come back, again? Because if you still don’t want-“

“I was scared”

He interrupted him, then taking a deep breath. He was panicking again, but Jisung stared into his eyes and smiled at him reassuringly, urging him to go on and he felt compelled to continue.

“Because you made me feel so much and I couldn’t stay away from you, even if I saw that what I was doing hurt you. I felt so selfish, but at the same time I couldn’t stop because just being around you made me so, so happy.”

“Then why did you break it off? “

Jisung asked softly. Minho felt his eyes water.

“I just- I knew that you were going to leave me and I didn’t want it to hurt, so I knew I had to stop before we got too close, but we did anyway, so I thought that it would hurt less if I left, but it doesn’t and now you’ve found someone else with less problems than me who will treat you better and it’s too late, but I had to try, I had to because I’ve never felt this for anyone else-”

“Min, please take breath”

Jisung massaged his hand on his back. Minho met his eyes and he decided he would let himself be completely honest for once.

“I-I love you”

Ji took his face between his hands and made their foreheads touch.

“You’re silly if you think it would take me such a short time to get over you. I agreed to go tonight just because Hyunjin insisted, but I went to tell the guy in person that I wasn’t interested”

Minho’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You did?”

Jisung closed his eyes and put his head on his chest.

“Yes, I’ve missed you so much you have no idea”

Minho wrapped his arms around him and drowned his head in his hair.

“I’ve missed you too”

He whispered inhaling the scent that had become familiar to him as Jisung grinned smugly. 

“You know what's funny Mr. Bucket? Remember when you told me you wouldn’t have been caught dead in my bed?”

Minho smiled and lightly punched his arm.

“Shut up Simon, if we’re keeping scores here, I’d also say it took you three more months to get me here”

Jisung rubbed the spot where he was hit, but his lips remained curled upwards.

“I told you I’m ambitious, the important thing is that you’re here now”

Minho still couldn’t believe he was finally holding him like he wanted to for so long, without having to look for excuses to do it. He couldn’t fathom that just an hour before he was moping in his room and now he was snuggled with Jisung in his room.

“How are you forgiving me this fast? Aren’t you mad at me?”

He asked, doubt creeping at the corners of his mind.

“It’s hard to hold a grudge against you, especially if I come home to you curled up in my bed”

Jisung shifted a bit to get more comfortable, not intending to leave that position any sooner.

“You don’t want me to tell you more? To explain?”

Minho wondered his voice anxious and panicked. Jisung lifted his head from the nook he had made for himself in his chest and looked up at him.

“I want you to tell me what you’re comfortable with, whenever that is. We’ve got time, because now that I have you for real, I’m not letting you go”

Min smiled and hugged him tighter, moved by his reassuring words.

“Thank you”

“If it isn’t obvious already, you’re staying tonight”

The elder giggled and kissed his temple.

“I want to, I’m tired of running away”

Jisung nodded, taking back his place against him.

“That’s good then, because I love you too”

He whispered it so lowly Minho thought he had imagined it, if it wasn’t for the fact that he could hear Jisung’s heart beat rapidly through his skin. They pulled apart only to get under the covers and went back to cuddling, falling asleep like that. The morning after, Minho woke up to see Jisung staring at him with such adoration in his eyes he felt his own heart burst with affection. 

“What are you looking at?”

He teased him, still not used to expressing his emotions out loud. Jisung grinned.

“You’re so beautiful you made me forget my pick-up line”

Minho laughed and kissed him sweetly. The sun was up in the sky and it filtered through the blinds, just like the first time they had been together, only, this time he didn’t intend on leaving and for once he let himself be convinced that Jisung wouldn’t either. People sometimes stayed and he was glad that this once, he belonged to this group. He loved himself just a bit more for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to driver's license on repeat while writing this, can you tell? I was also inspired by "The only exception" by Paramore, "Break my heart again" by Finneas and "Checkmate" by Conan Grey. The last is so random because the others are all extremely sad, but well I was thinking about it and in a sense it fits?
> 
> Through most of the story I felt so bad for hurting them, I wanted to hug them both. I just couldn't bring myself to give them a bad ending, they deserve to be happy. I hope the story flows well and you can understand their behaviors that are sometimes... questionable? 
> 
> Also I didn't fit it in, but I feel like now Jisung would use at any given moment the "you know what this shirt is made of? boyfriend material" kind of joke.
> 
> Please let me know what you think and if you're happy with how things went!
> 
> Have a nice day!


End file.
